Dear Mr. President: Make America Gangster Again

A satire on intimidation, legal theater, and the art of the grift

Dear Mr. President,

You've made one thing very clear: you’re not here to govern. You’re here to intimidate. Not to lead, but to litigate—loudly and often.

You’ve replaced policy with payback, and America with a backdrop for your bruised ego.

Retribution as Resume

Your current strategy isn’t subtle—it’s a performance of power, styled after the mob, but stripped of its honor code.

You sue, settle, smear, and repeat. Your legal threats aren’t about truth—they’re about dominance. Your lawsuits are designed not to win, but to wear people down. To make truth too expensive to pursue. To make integrity unaffordable.

Mob bosses used to demand silence.
You demand airtime.

You Said It Yourself

You once told reporters that companies wouldn’t settle lawsuits unless they were guilty. Yet you’ve weaponized that logic in reverse, using the mere threat of a lawsuit to demand silence, control, and compensation.

You treat the courtroom like a soundstage.
The Constitution like a nuisance.
And facts like weak suggestions.

CBS and 60 Minutes were just the latest targets. Their crime? Telling the truth too clearly.

Governance By Gimmick

You don’t write policy. You write checks—with other people’s money. You don’t debate. You declare.

You’ve turned the White House into a set piece. The presidency into a platform. The government into a prop for your personal narrative.

And still, you claim you’re the victim.

The Grift Wears a Flag

This isn’t conservatism. It’s chaos, dipped in nostalgia and wrapped in the flag. You’ve monetized grievance. Turned patriotism into performance art.

And yet—millions are still watching.

Because you’ve mastered the one true skill of the American spectacle: keeping the camera on you, even as the country burns around you.

History Has a Sharp Memory

But don’t worry—history’s watching too.

And she doesn’t need a subpoena.
She takes notes.

Sincerely,
Someone still paying attention

📬 If you felt this, there’s more where it came from.
Explore the full Dear Mr. President satire series here.
Because sometimes, a little laughter is the only antidote to the madness.