Dear Mr. President: Crypto Wasn’t Freedom — It Was a Flex

A satire on grift-as-governance and meme coins for patriot points

Dear Mr. President,

Let’s talk about freedom.

Not the kind you yell about at rallies, or the kind that gets printed on flags made in China. I mean the kind you minted—literally—when you sold your own crypto token.

Because nothing says “power to the people” like a digital coin bearing your face, dropped just in time to fund legal fees and feed your legend.

This Wasn’t Decentralization. It Was Self-Promotion.

Crypto was never your cause.
It was your cover story.

You didn’t show up to disrupt the system—you showed up to cash in on chaos.

While Web3 was pitching decentralization and digital equity, you were busy launching TRUMPCOIN. Not to liberate the people—but to liquidate their wallets.

You Called It Freedom. But It Looked a Lot Like a Fundraiser.

Let’s be honest. You didn’t embrace crypto for the innovation. You embraced it for the optics. For the headlines. For the dollar signs behind the digital smoke.

NFTs, meme coins, Trump-themed blockchain memorabilia—it was never about technology. It was about branding.

And in this economy, outrage is just good business.

The Blockchain Can’t Hide the Bullsh*t

You wrapped your grift in words like “freedom,” “patriot,” and “sovereignty.” But we saw the real play:
A coin that promised the future and delivered a punchline.
A token that said “liberty” but screamed “buy more.”

And just like your previous ventures—steaks, airlines, universities—this one had all the flavor of fast cash, short term, no refunds.

You Didn’t Break the System. You Remixed It.

With crypto, you found the perfect grift cocktail:

• A tech trend too complex for the average voter
• A hype cycle with low regulation
• And a fanbase eager to believe that freedom could be bought, minted, and flipped

Bravo, sir.
You didn’t disrupt democracy. You just digitized the deception.

One Day, the Chain Will Tell the Truth

The blockchain is forever. And so is the grift it records.

When history traces the hash of this moment, they won’t find liberation. They’ll find your logo stamped on yet another American distraction.

Not freedom. Not revolution.
Just another flex, encoded for eternity.

Sincerely,
Someone who read the whitepaper

📬 Want more satire that cuts close to the bone?
Browse the full Dear Mr. President series here
Because sometimes the clearest truth is wrapped in a wink